A Mother's Gift

My oldest baby woke with excitement and declared Mother's Day was his favorite holiday because it was a day all about his Mommy! How sweet is he? Then has asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.

 

As a Mommy of two beautiful boys this is what I wish for today and everyday my sweet sons:

 

I want you to both live long and healthy lives.  I pray everyday for a cure for food allergies, but until this day happens, I pray for more compassion from the world.  I hope that we have taught you all of the skills necessary to keep you safe.  I pray that you have mastered self-advocacy skills and non-food related traditions that you can pass on to your children.  I pray that the world continues to change and understands what is needed to include you, my two beautiful boys, and all of the children with life threatening food allergies.

 

I pray that you have a love for life and marvel in the beauty of nature all around you.  I hope that you remember that everyday is truly a beautiful gift from God.  I want you to look at every sunset, mountain, and ocean and stand in awe of its grandeur.  I also want you to look at each snowflake, sunflower, and blade of grass and be just as as captivated by its splendor.  

 

I smile now as I watch you throw rocks into the pond.  I love to sit back and watch you innocently create a ripple effect in the water.  I love to see the excitement shine in your eyes as you are playing.  I pray that you will one day understand that every action you “throw” at the world will cause a ripple effect in your life and will extend beyond and into the lives of others.  I hope you remember kindness, love, compassion, and empathy.  I pray that will always live by the little mantra you said to me just days ago, “Mommy, I can change the world.  One person at a time, one day at a time!”  Oh my sweet boys, may you always have such unguarded passion!

I love the little wild flowers that you both randomly bring me while in the middle of outside playing.  I love the sweet handwritten notes and pictures you excitedly bring me when I come home.  My heart smiles when I see a cute picture scrawled in your handwriting on the mirror in steam. I hope that when you grow up, you will always remember these moments of showing people how much you care. These actions may seem trivial my little ones, but it is all of the little things in a day add up to one big thing.  I pray that you will treat others as kind as you remember to treat your mommy now. 

 

I pray that you find a love of your life that balances your personalities; like your Daddy has been the inspiration to my art and the music to my song.  I hope that you watch all of Mommy and Daddy’s hugs and holding hands- and though you groan and roll your eyes now or giggle and try to push us apart - I pray it shapes an expectation of what love in a marriage should look like.  I hope you can grow up to be the kind of man your father is-loving, kind, compassionate, empthetic, passionate, knows when to fight and when to let go, can balance a baby on one hip and fix a car with another.  I hope that you both remember how much he loves you and me, and you are able to love your spouse and children in your lives’ so fully. 

 

My little superheroes, I hope you always look towards the future and try to make the day a little better, someone else’s lives’ a little brighter, and always strive to “change the world one day at a time, one person at a time”.  May your passion for love and life always shine as bright as it does today.

 

I could not be more proud of you both.  Thank you my sweet boys for the gift of being a Mommy to you! 

 

Grieving a Loss of Innocence

I have always been slow to emotionally process things. 

 

I love to look at this beautiful world that God created for us and stare in awe at its beauty.  I love sunsets and spring wildflowers.  Mountains and waterfalls are nothing short of miracles.  I love the smell of the salt air, the roar of the ocean waves, and I feel the hand of God touching me as the sun rays warm me as a summer breeze blows across my face. 
 

I believe in people too.  I love to watch people’s faces soften when they talk to a child.  I feel my most powerful when I touch someone’s heart and help shape their life’s for the better; I believe that most people in the world feel this same way.  I love to watch families care for their elders.  I love how the elders pass on their knowledge, wisdom, & love to those that care for them.  I believe most people want to help humanity and love one another.

 

So while I have been silent about the tragedy in Boston, my heart has been slowly trying to accept it.  I have thought a lot about the families, loved ones lost, grief, anguish, sorrow, and lives forever changed- and I grieve.   

 

Tonight though, I grieved the tragedy in Boston for a personal loss.

 

I cannot protect my children from understanding life and death.  With life threatening food allergies, it is vtal to their survival to understand the gravity of not eating foods that can cause anaphylaxis.  In many ways, my boys -and according to other parents with children with life threatening food allergies- have had to grow up too soon.

Although I realize I cannot protect my children from the ugliness that exists in the world, I have tried to preserve their innocence for as long as possible as they have needed to grow up too soon in other ways.  I am not sure when I planned to let them slowly get a glimpse of the tarnished reality of this world, but I always felt I would know when the time was right.  Although, I know that is such a naïve thought!  Would there ever be such a time to tarnish their innocent outlook in childhood?

 

I understand that in order to appreciate the beauty and benevolence in people you must also understand there is evil in the world.  I mentally comprehend this sad fact, but my heart has yet to accept it.  Tonight my oldest sweet “baby” came home today and told me another child shared with him the news of the Boston bombings.  He talked about the known facts and asked me about the families.  He understood more than I wish he did.  While he talked about the incident I cried.  I cried openly for the loss of those lost.  I cried for the children and families that witnessed this horrid event and who's lives will forever be altered.  And I cried for the loss of my child’s innocence. 

 

So tonight I still grieve.

 

But tomorrow, I will hold my babies close and be so grateful that I can.  Tomorrow, I will again try to paint a picture of God’s beauty in the world and preserve in my boys an unwavering belief in a loving world filled with mostly good people. 

 

 

Our Friendships are Priceless

 

I have realized that being friends with my husband, my children, and myself honestly requires some really special people with loving and compassionate hearts. 
 

Our friends must understand. They need to understand that I may “overreact” to a simple piece of food. They must understand that play dates may need to be canceled at the last minute due to a severe asthma attack. They have to understand that we may never be able to step foot into their home because their cat will set off my son’s allergies. They understand that I will need to know what they will be serving because it is important to me as a mommy, that I am able to serve my little darlings’s safe food that is comparable to everyone else’s.

 Our friends must be respectful.  It is impossible to understand every part of this journey of parenting little blessings with anaphylactic allergies or developmental delays.  So while our friends may not understand everything, they must respect the difficult choices we make.  Sometimes that means not being able to be a part of something they want to share with us.  Trust me my sweet friends, we wish more than anything to share with you anything you deem important.  It hurts us to have to say no to you. 

 Our friends must be compassionate.  They must be able to look at me and know when I am at my breaking point before I actually break.

 They must be self-sacrificing and understand that their children will not be able to run around with foods that can harm our babies.  They must sacrifice their "right" to feed their children whatever they want around our boys.  They must sacrifice bringing yummy treats to our home without discussing it with us first to verify its safety.  Our friends must also understand as soon as they enter the house they will need to wash their hands and their children’s little hands before touching our oldest son or our busy B or their toys.

 

Our friends must communicate frankly and still listen with all their hearts.

Our sweet friends help us stay grounded. They listen to problems they often cannot understand. They must be able to emphasize with issues they cannot possibly fathom. They must be able to talk with us openly. Our friends need to let us know when we are being over the top and need to take a step back. Equally important, they are our cheerleaders and tell us when to fight harder and not back down.

 Our friend's must help us remember to think of ourselves. They must continue to tell us that we need time for ourselves even when we feel the overwhelming need to be with our babies to ensure their safety. Taking time for myself feels foriegn and is counterintuitive. Friends must be able to remind us that we are important and need time for ourselves so we can continue to operate at super-mommy and super-daddy speed! 

Our friends must know that there are no words that can make the challenge of raising children with anaphylactic food allergies, anaphylactic sting allergies, and developmental delays any easier, but we still need them to listen.  We need them to just hear us as we express feeling alone, even with their loving support by our sides.  They need to know that there are no words that can take away our fears, but being there for us means more than words can express. 

 Yes, our friends are pretty amazing and selfless people.  If they are able to accommodate all of those challenging feats from above, I give them my all.  But even more rewarding, in return for all of those amazing gifts of friendship they share with us, they get what so few people will ever enjoy in this life- they get to watch my children grow, mature, and blossom along side of me.  Sharing these beautiful little boys with them is also sharing the best parts of my sweet husband and myself and I know of no better gift.  I am so grateful they are willing to be these special people in our lives.  I am in awe of their continuous love and actions of support.  Friends like this are rare treasures.  While I only have a few "rare jewels" in my life, my cup runneth over!

 

 

Thank you our sweet friends, we are so blessed to have you!

My Husband, My Hero

My husband is amazing.

 

He is a wonderful Daddy. As a father he is loving, kind, and fair.  He is attentive to everything about our boys- from the coloring of their cheeks, to the tiniest bumps on their bodies, to the slightest wheeze.  Every week in addition to being an amazing Daddy, my husband graciously becomes our boys’ teacher, chauffer, respiratory therapist, pharmacists, physical therapist, nurse, occupational therapist, speech & language pathologists, playmate, nutritionist & chef. 

 

In a typical week, my superhero drives to preschool, homeschools our oldest child, goes to occupational therapy, speech & language pathology twice a week, the allergist twice a week, homeschool groups and activities, sports practices 2 to 4 times a week depending on the sports season, he does daily speech & language lessons, daily brushing for sensory issues, daily stretching for physical therapy issues, and at least one or two doctor’s appointments every week.

 

On top of all of these responsibilities, my sweetheart manages to get the kids fed, laundry done, and dinner on the table for his family!  May I remind you that each one of us in this household has crazy food allergies!  Our combined lists of food allergies are: peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, coconuts, sesame seeds, fish, shell fish, dairy, pineapples, pears, apples, peaches, cranberries & soy (we tolerate soy liechen and soy oil).  We also do not ingest anything with gluten due to celiac disease as well.  Cooking for this family is no small task!

 

This wonderful man is able to accomplish all of this, AND he still manages to make time for me.  He still manages to make me feel special, spend time with me nightly before bed, & still remembers to ask me out on occasional dates.

 

I know I am so very, very blessed!

My sweet husband is my hero.

Its been TWO MONTHS!!!

 

It has been officially TWO WHOLE MONTHS without antibiotics or steroids in our home!  While I understand that two months may not seem like something to celebrate for some, for our beautiful boys we are beaming with happiness! 

 

Our precious little dragon trainer and busy bee were very, very busy playing over the weekend and celebrating their in-between-birthdays party. They played outside with their friends all day.  Sadly, we always know with our oldest child that allowing him a day outside will often be followed by a week or possibly two weeks on steroids, nebulizer treatments, antibiotics, hot teas, Vics on his feet, and even moodiness from the medications.

 

 

 

So, WHY (!!!!?!?!?!?!!!!) do we allow him to play outside?

 

Can you even imagine an existence of not being able to play outside in this amazing world?  Can you imagine not being able to share with your child the wonder of a small caterpillar climbing a mighty oak and telling them the secret of how they become a beautiful butterfly?  Can you imagine not sharing the squeal of excitement when it is raining outside and their rain boots slosh through the puddles?  Or never be able to share the beauty and promise of God’s gift of a vibrant rainbow?  Can you fathom a childhood looking from the window and only knowing the outside world from within?  I cannot imagine it.  Trying to think about it makes me feel claustrophobic and deeply sad.

 

Playing outside is normal.  I would even argue it is vital to enhance your health.  Sadly, our brave little dragon trainer is allergic to oak, pine, and other trees…. therefore we deal with asthmatic issues after some time in the great outdoors.  I have mentioned this previously as well; it is a very difficult balancing act trying to raise medically fragile children.  My motherly instinct is to protect their physical well being- period.  Yet, there is a beautiful, blossoming little spirit that has to be nurtured as well.  This little personality is equally important to my children’s well being. 

 

So, we allow it, we encourage it, and we accept that there are times when a breathing treatment afterwards is necessary.  Sadly, we also know that it could lead to antibiotics or steroids as well. 

 

I just pray that while I am trying to nurture that growing personality, the pollen count is not too high, and the mean fire ants do not come out to play.

 

Tonight I celebrate two whole months without antibiotics.  I am ever so grateful that we did not encounter any fire ants.  I am thankful I was able to see my little guys’ souls dance with happiness and their eyes glitter with a pure joy that can only be captured in a moment of sheer delight in playing outdoors with your best friends!

A Birthday Party to Remember

I realize I have been neglecting you my sweet readers!  But, I promise I have a wonderful reason! I have been putting my every waking moment into creating a birthday party for my two beautiful boys!!!  We have always done the boys birthdays together, halfway between each birthday.  I offered to my oldest to have it on their actual birthdays and not have to share this year.  He said, "Sharing a party is one of my favorite things about my birthday parties.  I do not get jealous of his birthday and he does not get jealous of mine.  I like to share everything with him!"  (Oh, if only he would remember these words when his little brother is holding his prized toy for the week!)

So my oldest is obsessed with dragons right now.  Specifically, he is in love with the movie "How to Train a Dragon".  So naturally he asked for a Dragon theme.  He sat down and drew out the characters he wanted.  He drew out his cake.  He sat down with his brother and asked him for what he wanted.  He listed numerous cartoons... "Mickey Mouse, Backyardagains, ... Bubble Guppies.  Our cute little B smiles and yelled out "Bubble Guppies" and then started to sing their theme song and dance their cute little dance from the opening of the show.  Hands down, it was Bubble Guppies!

So I started to look at cute clipart and began painting the characters to go with the movies.  Well, I first looked all over the stores- they did not have what I needed.  Then I checked ebay- not what I wanted, then etsy- Oh my goodness, CUTE... then resigned to the fact that I did not have that kind of money to spend on things that will never be used again.  So, THEN, I found clipart and began painting. 

I did everything I could to make my little man's vision of his birthday to come to fruition.  I must admit.... the dragon cake was not too hard and turned out pretty good!  I had an amazing friend come over and help me.  Our weakness and talents with cake decorating complimented each other wonderfully...and it was so fun to get in the kitchen with another mama and create!  The Bubble Guppy cake was about my undoing!  It was difficult to get these cute little characters to stay whole with our homemade marshmallow fondant.  They continued to break off at their little neck.  So, then I tried another technique of using melted chocolate chips to draw out the characters.  Yup, another fail... the chocolate was too runny and was melting into one another.  I tried several other techniques and then ended up with a rice krispie treat covered in fondant.  It turned out pretty cute... just not my idea!

I have SO MANY with the children in it.... but there are other people's little ones in them too.  Out of respect, I do not post pictures of their children without pictures.  As I get more, I will post!  So without further ado... PICTURES!!!

Bubble Puppy!!!  Bubble Puppy is made from gluten free , dairy free rice krispie treats and covered with fondant.  Homemade marshmallow fondant is not too bad, but harder to work with!  This cake is egg free, dairy free, gluten free, peanut free, and tree nut free!

Toothless is made from Rice Krispie Treats!  We used the Wacky Cake recipe from KidswithFoodAllergies.org.  This is an egg, tree nut, peanut free cake!  We did use a store bought fondant on Toothless because he is black and the dark color is difficult to obtain.  I also LOVE the consistency of this fondant!  But, it does contain dairy and soy.







 



 You should have seen ALL of the little one's faces!  Since I only have permission from one mommy to use her photos I felt I should not share the picture of every little one present!  But ALL of them had their hands by their mouths in excitement!   Precious!

 

 

 

Relaxed and Feeling Grateful

Tonight I am feeling particularly relaxed and extremely grateful! I just had a much-needed night out on the town with my Dad. I love his company and he always knows just what to say, what not to say, and how I am without me needing to say a thing. He also loves to learn and when we dive into an unknown question it is a race to discover the answer. We both love discovering new information into this amazing would! We also both love my 3 boys... so conversation and laughter are always a part of our precious time together.

 

Another blessing I am so grateful for is that B's teacher asked us if we started him on medications. I know what you are thinking…. and how is this a blessing? Well, we inquired as to why she asked the question.  She said that he has been so incredibly focused, listening skills have gotten much better, and he's verbalizing more. We are elated!!!   We honestly owe it all to his new occupational therapist and her brushing for sensory input!  I am so thankful we listened to our parental gut instincts and advocated for a new therapist!  It is making a difference!

 

Something else I am so very thankful for is our wonderful bedtime routine tradition with our oldest child. Nightly we take turns sharing 2 of our favorite things that happened during the day. It does not have to be earth shattering- big or little, there is always something to be thankful for!  When I got home tonight I had missed tucking the boys in. I asked what my oldest and my sweet honey were thankful tonight. Tonight, my big boy was grateful for his grandfather being able to watch him at his practice and a hotdog bun that did not split open as he ate it.  Hearing this made my heart smile.

 

Yes, so much to be grateful for!!!

 

 

Pictures to follow, I swear!  My little one has been on strike and my biggest child has been goofy or on the move and my honey- well, if any of you watched "Friends" and remember Chandlier Bing's smile... yup, lol, that!