Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Emotionally Trying Time of Flu Season with Medically Fragile Children

I am so sorry I have needed to take a little break from you my dearest readers, I have needed a short emotional break to deal with my haunting ghosts.  It comforts me somewhat that I read about other mommy's with special little ones that have exceptional physical needs and/or medical needs seem to share in my same daunting fears, but unfortunately it cannot make them go away.  It at least validates me into feeling I am not crazy... well, at least not certifiable.  I worry about life a little, a lot more than other parents with healthy children seem to. 

Parents with healthy children feel sad and perhaps even frightened when their children get sick.  But, parents of medically fragile children know too much.  We have been informed of too many statistics. We have seen our children get sick with illnesses everyone else can fight off in a week, linger in our homes for weeks on end.  We fall asleep to the hum of our children's medical equipment and we wake with every cough, sniffle, or deep breath.  We get scared because we know too much, remember the last time they were so sick, and we have seen our children struggle too many times.  We feel blessed to have them healthy.  We count the days between the last medical issue and we are grateful for each day in between and we secretly fear the next time and pray it will be better soon. 

We are in the peak of flu season.  Flu season is such a frightening time for me and my family.  I honestly feel paralyzed. I want to keep the children inside and keep them physically healthy.  I would love to ensure their safety, but I cannot for fear of their emotional and mental well being.  (Not to mention my Honey's emotional well-being after just one week with two boisterous boys jumping around the house!)  So while I do everything I can to ensure their physical and spiritual growth... I struggle with the anxiety of allowing them to venture into this big, bad, germ infested world.  While they are blossoming, sometimes, I feel the sacrifice of allowing them the room to grow makes me wither a little inside. 

The boys both have asthma.  Our oldest- our little dragon trainer, has asthma that is not as controlled as it should be.  It scares me so much to hear him struggle to breath and cough incessantly when he is healthy!  The thought of this very scary flu compiled with their asthma and the fact that they are so young is overwhelming to think about.  I have seen the children struggle to breath and it is the most frightening and powerless feeling I have ever felt.

The thought of the flu brings back memorioes and fears.

So lately, I have worried.  Nothing has changed but flu season, the fear of getting it, and fighting the natural desire to keep them safely home has made me a little bit more of  a worrier (and I am a natural at it without that kind of help!)  I suppose this is the "normal" for parents with children that are medically fragile.  That being said, I would not trade my life, my children, or my worries for anything in the world.  These beautiful boys are the most precious blessings in the world- definately worth worrying about.  :)

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